Coping With Loss

Humans are creatures of habit, and when you lose someone or something that has been a big part of your life, it can be devastating. Recovery can feel impossible in your darkest moments, whether there has been a death in your family, you have recently gone through a breakup, you were fired from your job, or gone through any number of other great losses.

The bad news is, your pain will not go away that easily. The good news is, there are healthier ways to get through that pain, and come out better on the other side. It may take a while, but here are some techniques to help get you through tough times.

Allow yourself to feel the pain. Many people turn to drugs and alcohol, or run from a breakup into the arms of another. There are lots of ways to avoid the pain, but the fact is, once your high wears off, or the next relationship crumbles, all of that devastation will still be there waiting for you to deal with it, and you may have even made things worse by then. So, instead of numbing yourself or running away, you need to acknowledge your loss and allow yourself to feel pain.
Do not dwell. This may sound contradictory, but if you spend too long wallowing in your pain, you may get stuck there as well, which leads to depression, self-pity, and worse. The idea then, is after a few days, or maybe even a week or two, of allowing yourself to feel the pain, you need to try and work through it. Go ahead and cry when you feel like it, and give yourself a break when you need it, but start finding positive ways to feel better – exercise is always a great outlet, or a lot of people take comfort in writing about their feelings.
Lean on loved and trusted people. You may not want to tell everyone all of your business, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with talking to someone when you are going through hard times. It can help you gain perspective on your own feelings, and it often helps to hear someone else’s thoughts on the situation. Go to friends and family and talk to them, and you can even seek counseling from a priest or preacher, or a professional therapist. There are often groups you can attend for free to help you cope, and to feel less alone in your situation.
Let go of negative people. The last thing you need when you are dealing with a loss is someone telling you that you are not entitled to your own feelings. Everyone handles loss differently, and if you have people around you who are not interested in helping you work through things, or who are treating you badly, let them go, at least until you are in a better place.
Forget about guilt. All the “ifs” and “buts” will get you nowhere but farther down. Do not waste time with regrets, but rather try to change any negative behaviors and just move on. Make sure that you learn from your mistakes. Just do not keep beating yourself up about things that cannot be changed.
Get yourself back out there. After you have given yourself time to grieve, and started to work through the pain, get out and have fun again. Live life, make new friends and spend time with old ones, enjoy yourself. You should never feel bad about being happy. Everyone recovers at a different rate, and when you find that you are feeling better, go with it and allow it to happen!